o Burn all the used linen
o Ask the smoke how to
o Magnetize your skin
o Transpose relevance for marrow
o Record the answers
o Place the recorded answers beneath your threadbare pillow
o Proceed to step 2
A widow/widower
o Spray paint the mirrors in today’s mood
o Ask the weather if it knows how to hold a sparrow in its throat without coughing
o Record its answer
o Place the recorded answer beneath your tongue
o Proceed to step 2
An antagonist in an action film
Determine who directs the action film.
If the director is…
Then…
Wes Anderson
o Rehearse sneering in normal speed, then in slow motion.
o Repeat as necessary.
o Comfort yourself with the fact you weren’t designed to deserve love. STOP
James Cameron
o Close your eyes
o Wait for the iceberg or the bullet to open you. When you are opened, watch what pours. STOP
Michael Bay
o Determine how to ruin the next childhood
o Record your answers
o Place them between the tires of a gas tanker truck
o Wait for rupture STOP
Kathryn Bigelow
o Wait for the bullet to open you. When you are opened, watch what pours. STOP
Nothing listed above
Proceed to step 2.
2. Determine your motives.
If your motives are…
Then…
Romantic
o Choose a love song that makes your arms buckle beneath its weight
o Do not think of who you love as an object
o Do not think of castles
o Proceed to step 3
Revenge
o Personalize your biceps
o Place your faith in the training montage
o Celebrate, but forgive your arms if they buckle
o Proceed to step 3
Not listed
o Consider your possibilities, the outcomes from
each possibility
o Document these possibilities and their outcomes
o Proceed to step 3
3. Determine what universe you live in.
If the universe you live in is…
Then…
Literary fiction
o Do not look for clarity
o Do not define meaning within swirling autumn leaves
o Pause
o Hold your breath
o Pause STOP
A video game
Determine what kind of video game you live in.
If the video game you live in is…
Then…
Side scrolling
o Do not look at your previous selves in the throat of pits
o Trust in the following:
o Quarters,
o Electricity, and
o Impervious thumbs STOP
A role playing game
o Know how you will love when you hold the last monster’s head STOP
Not listed
o Consider what romance was like before save points existed STOP
Not listed
Refer back to step 2 before proceeding appropriately.
