‘Mr. Grey Plays The Sims…’ & ‘Fox McCloud Loses…’
John McCarthy
Mr. Grey Plays The Sims Before He Meets Lee Holloway In “Secretary”
Before I made you sit for three days, before I put a milkshake on the desk in front of you, before I carried you outside, before you came to my window and saw me running on a treadmill like I was the machine, before I circled everything you worked for in red, before I manicured my nails and organized my life into something that was beyond American ideals, I played The Sims for five hours a night building inescapable houses around everyone I loved. I would let them go swimming only if they agreed to go swimming forever. If there was a fire in the house, I would let them dance and speak in tongues. I didn’t let them go to school or work even though I told them they had to go to school and work. When I found out about rosebud, the cheat code, that gave me infinite money, I knew this lifestyle would work. I knew I would have to find someone like you. Someone who thought God created my hands in his image. Someone who would die to live for my life.
Fox McCloud Loses His Whole Team (Slippy, Peppy, and Falco)
We had flown together in space so long as the honorary Star Fox team, they had to amputate our real legs, giving us alloy replacements to prevent the blood clots, the atrophy. I knew I was bonded to you all after that. When four animals lose the same parts of their bodies together, they become one body.
I remember the first time we flew together on Corneria, how we barely made it out. I remember the badges we received the looks we exchanged with each other. We knew we would probably all die like this, too, somewhere together in the Lylat system, trying to protect planets that we couldn’t. We still spent the next couple years tracking down the Star Wolf team, shooting them all down in an abandoned base on Titania. I know you all wanted to go home after that, and I didn’t want to tell you, but right as we were heading back up into orbit to go home, I got the transmission from General Pepper that Andross had appeared a couple thousand light years away on Planet Venom. I knew we were as banged up as our fighter jets were, but there were fourteen planets left that Andross could rip from existence.
I had a gut feeling that we would all die. I knew Andross was too strong. But as a leader, you have to make the wrong decisions, so I made you all follow me with orders. And we made it, but his soulless hands swatted you all out of the sky one by one, sent you spiraling down into oblivion. And then it was just me, and I didn’t have a choice but to win.