The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time simulation of an after-school play date in a lawless backwoods commune
Sara & I meet at the mayor’s tiny house to salvage the gleaming green rupees scattered across his lawn among the stones & shrubbery. Today, like every day since birth, we wear matching green tunics & chug milk out of mason jars to strengthen our shield-arms. Our rusted swords dice the No Trespassing signpost &, with a running start, I somersault into the hedges, stuffing emerald gems into my wallet, while Sara smashes the artisanal clay vases on his porch. When I roll spine-first into an oak tree, her giggles crescendo into a shriek until she sounds like a domestic hen pierced by a flaming arrow. The purple maw of a flower resembling a giant Venus flytrap clamps down on Sara’s boot, so I charge in circles waving my blade at the wind, oak shield brandished from a ten-foot distance. She severs the mutant plant’s stalk &, to celebrate our success, I detonate a homemade bomb that pulverizes a boulder then declare myself Guardian of the Wood. Sara slingshots an acorn that pegs my forehead & points to her assailant’s stem slashed at the root. She waits for me to piece a vase back together, fill it with water, & carry it home.